Quest of knowledge

it had been a week since i enrolled in this master program. feeling proud? NOPE! not at all. i would rather say it is terrifying. most of the time, i'm the only freshgrad student from different field that attended the class. haha. deserves me right, i guess! feeling great? of course! i managed to meet those knowledgable person (yet they are sooooo modest!). the excitement i felt whenever i went out from each lecture will definitely motivates me to put more effort into it. insyaAllah.

i'm doing fine

for those who wonder whether i can survive in here, i'm ok, i guess. for now at least i am. i have to adapt well. i'm 24. not 14. (though never feel like one). the mosque is great. the library is a bless where i found myself drowning among those books. the only part of my body that feels the pressure are my foot. Ruqayyah is soooo la far away. you can even finish reciting the ma'thurat halfway to my kulliyyah. (serius jauh. tak tipu). yet, i feel serene here.

putting away the frustrations and MOVE ON!

dr burhan, my statistics lecturer, drew the attention of the class to me when he asked, "what makes you change your field?" before i even have the time to activate my neurons and give excuses, he guessed, "self satisfaction?" "exactly sir! that is one of the reasons". i sat and began to ponder. is it? at first i thought it is only some sort of denial kind of act, rooted from my frustrations, and after several discussions with my personal counselor, kak sarah. ^_^

i cannot lie. the guilt is always there, where i did not go for my clinical practice. i'm willing to give back the award given, as long as i wouldn't feel like such anymore.

i believe there is a hikmah behind all that happen. there must be reasons why i'm being positioned by Allah in here. i just have to move on. trying my best to grab all the wisdom from all the great scholars around me. please pray for me. may Allah shower His blessings upon us all.

p/s: my personal aims; to learn arabic, to be friends with LOTS of foreigners (the darker the better.. chang should know this. hehe), get ENGAGED with books!

don't blame those emotions...

this entry is dedicated to miss hidayati. hehe

"pagi-pagi kak yat dah buat kita beremosi", i was mumbling as i began to have palpitation and my hands already trembled with fear.

"bagusla kalau dah beremosi. baru ko akan ingat sampai bila-bila", kak yat said.

so, i began to recall all those anatomy and physiology classes i attended. so, here is the theory:

The amygdala and hippocampal complex, two medial temporal lobe structures, are linked to two independent memory systems, each with unique characteristic functions. In emotional situations, these two systems interact in subtle but important ways. Specifically, the amygdala can modulate both the encoding and the storage of hippocampal-dependent memories. The hippocampal complex, by forming episodic representations of the emotional significance and interpretation of events, can influence the amygdala response when emotional stimuli are encountered. Although these are independent memory systems, they act in concert when emotion meets memory.

tak faham? ok, we might be familiar with these situations:

si A: "ingat tak masa kita pergi teluk cempedak dulu?"

si B: "mestila ingat. aku geram gila kot dengan si polan tu...bla..bla"

si C: "eh. ingat lagi tak kat cikgu ZZ?"

si B: "mestila ingat. tension kot masuk kelas dia. asyik mengamuk je... bla, bla.."

sesuatu peristiwa atau manusia akan lebih kita ingati sekiranya ada penglibatan sang emosi.

thus, in short, emotions do induce memory.

maka,

1. kalau anda beremosi ketika belajar (nota: ghairah, kecewa kerana dimarahi pensyarah), anda mungkin akan lebih mudah mengingati topik yang dipelajari.

2. kalau anda beremosi ketika melihat kemungkaran (nota: marah, benci, menyampah), anda mungkin akan sentiasa ingat supaya tidak melakukan perkara yang sama.

3. kalau anda beremosi ketika hampir exam (nota: takut, berdebar-debar), anda mungkin akan sentiasa ingat supaya tidak tidur di kelas dan buat ulangkaji lebih awal kerana memikirkan tentang perasaan takut itu.

4. kalau anda beremosi ketika orang berbuat baik kepada anda (nota: terharu), anda mungkin akan sentiasa ingat untuk mendoakan kesejahteraan orang itu.

5. kalau anda beremosi menonton berita-berita palsu di televisyen mahupun akhbar2 (nota: menyampah, mual), anda mungkin akan sentiasa ingat jika anda memiliki stesen tv anda sendiri suatu hari nanti, anda hanya akan memaparkan hanya berita-berita yang sahih.

emotional management in Islam

there is nothing wrong to have all those emotions. we are not denied being "human" and having our weak moments. we are allowed to experience all sorts of feelings, both good and bad, as long as we make a serious effort to regain our balance and composure and get back in control quickly.

MODERATE! yes. Islam teaches moderation in everything, aiming to create equilibrium so that one is always at peace. to be wise and strong human, one must be able to control of their feelings, and not the other way around.

p/s: jangan disalahkan emosi atas segala perbuatan bodoh lagi hodoh yang kita lakukan. semoga sama2 menemui kematangan dan kebijaksanaan dalam beremosi! ^_^

a retirement

had officially 'retired' from working in Pharmacy Nasra. now i realize how hard it is to get even a single penny. as the saying goes, "sebutir beras, ibarat setitis peluh petani". getting a job, and go to work, is not merely a routine that you have to undergo, in order to survive. it means much more than that. it is where you put your passion into it, and rejuvenate your niyyah every seconds to ensure the rizq that is bestowed upon you is blessed by Him.

zillion gratitudes...

i have to thank many people for the tremendous experience I had for the last 3 months. Thank you to all Nasra family, especially my Warta team (yes, including you kak yat. hee). my favourite quote of "saya dah biasa hidup susah" will always be kept in my heart.^_^

my besties: akma n kak faizah. (missing in picture k yat, si cantik)

new skills gained:

1. be a cashier, using UBS.

2. improve my maths, able to 'congak' faster than before

3. learn about meds, supplements, candies (untuk promote kat kanak2 cilik yan meragam. so la unhealthy. hehe), and even cosmetics (nak pilih bedak compact colour apa pun customer mintak consult. haha)

4. learn how to receive stocks, making invoices, bla..bla..

5. memorize the location of every single item. (lepas ni I.Allah tak jadi pelupa. hehe)

6. make my own bread (thanks kak faizah!)

7. stress management technique (how to continue smiling even when the customer marah-marah sebab tak kasi diskaun, or to repeatedly saying politely to almost 20 customers per day.."niquitin takda stok".)

8. influence kak yat to eat hysterically. hehe

9. how to read a payment slip (tipu! sampai sekarang aku tak faham camne fadhli kira. haha)

10. implement nursing. had many attempts of influencing the customer not to buy med, and go for natural method. sori. bos! hehe

*why bother to buy laxative, when you know in the first place u don't drink enough waterand don't take sufficient fibers in your diet? aduyai

11. scaring the laymen the effects of taking unnecessary antibiotics. pagi baru demam, ptg dah mintak antibiotik??

12. etc..etc...

that's all from me now. going to face a new chapter soon. mental, physical, emotional and financial preparation is on the run to face it. ^_^. May Allah bless us all.

until then, sayonara!

Pasca Graduasi

berbondong-bondong soalan yang diaju, sejurus tamat belajar. "kerja kat mana?", "kerja apa?", n soalan paling allergic "bila nak kahwin?". baiklah, rakan-rakan sekalian, bahawasanya sekarang saya masih bujang, menetap di bandar baru bangi, menumpang belas dan kasih, ibu dan bapa untuk meneruskan kehidupan seharian. ^_^

my first interview
alhamdulillah, sangat membahagiakan tempoh 1 jam temuduga yang amat mencabar itu. sampaikan procedure for blood transfusion and physical examination pun ditanya dengan amat detail. nah, rasakan duhai khamisah yang masih malas untuk mengulangkaji. huhu. paling tidak bisa dilupakan, saat-saat interviewer itu menyuruh aku membaca potongan ayat al-Quran. wah! sangat kagum. bukan kagum dengan diri sendiri, tapi kagum dengan polisi hospital yang take note about this element in hiring people. rasa macam tengah interview masuk akademi al-Quran pulak (ok, sila jangan perasan. anda tidak layak. hehe). i seriously enjoyed the session, walaupun rasa macam tak dapat je, sebab alasan biasa... "awak bonded dengan government".. sabar saja. ^_^

seeking His guidance
in serious confusional state. hehe. still have not make up my mind of which path should i undergo. for now, aiming in being a very dedicated worker in Nasra Pharmacy (terlebih dedicated kot. OT 5 kali minggu ni. huhu), serve the customers, sambil2 apply ilmu nursing yang terbuku di dada (balutkan luka, check blood glucose, etc.). it's fun walaupun working long hours do makes me look like a zombie (except zombie kurus kering n me..?? hihi). plus, bermain bersama kanak-kanak cilik yang datang ke kedai. yay! ~sangat teringat pada adik hanif, bila tiba-tiba diterpa dan dipeluk seorang kanak-kanak lelaki, around 2 years of age. huhu~ (i miss paediatric ward!)

stay healthy

"the secret for health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future. but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."

so, my dear friends. jangan risau. pasti ada rezki dari Tuhan yang tak disangka2 menanti kita semua. as for now, have fun! start restructuring your plan of life, and seek for His guidance to decide upon the options that were granted on you. --> nasihat lebih pada empunya diri. ^_^. all the very best!

buatmu si kacak!

already resigned yesterday as yusuf n yasir's official 'bibik'. am going to miss singing the chuggington, mickeymouse clubhouse and my friends tigger n pooh theme song together with yusuf (cik humm dia yg over kot. hehe). not to forget their favourite lullaby -la ilahaillah zikr, introduced by iqah, as well as the educational visit to my mom's mini garden in front of the house (sebab yusuf merengek-rengek nak tengok meow. huhu)

farewell treat
enough babbling. i made this for my two favourite heroes (of course with yasir's help in ensuring the kitchen is messy enough for her aunt to cook with full of distraction. notty! ^_^)

tadaaa! fettucini cabonara for the adorable boys ^_^

p/s: of course tak boleh lawan mona. hehe. going to start a new career tomorrow. berdebar ^_^

phewww..(this is a sound of relief. hihi)

it finally ended. our clinical posting had finally ended! whee! (pura-pura seronok, dalam hati siapa yang tahu.. especially when remembering all the patients that taught me how to be a 'real' human being. huhu).

the lovely kids!
sooo in love with the kids. walaupun selalu je nak merungut-rungut sebab kena pergi posting, but the kids in melur 2 (paeds) really cheer up my day. adik hanif especially, walaupun berhingus tapi tetap super comel. suka sangat! paling best, bila tengok 'fitrah' jadul yang terserlah bila dukung the babies in nicu. ^_^

this is it..
this might be the last time i will be jotting down all the great memories i had in the clinical settings (ye ke? haha. juz wait and see). to my fellow wardmates (dayah, kin, alia, zee, jadul, deqma), thanks for being very supportive and kind to me. to all my classmates, let us strive for this nursing board exam (nasihat extra untuk humm, si pemonteng kelas tambahan. hihi). may a bless and bountiful rizq awaits us all in the future. ameen.

missing in pic: dayah n jadul

THIS IS NOT THE END, IT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING...

forcing myself to open the eyes...

alhamdulillah. the 'catastrophic' part of submitting the research report finally ended. 2 weeks of having low quality of sleep really impaired our overall wellbeing. berkejearan ke hilir dan ke hulu, gara-gara the last minute Iraqian format. haha. my dear juniors, beware eh.

off to kelantan...
having a very pleasant sleep along the journey. hihi. very nice. totally not in the mood of going to kelantan for this oncology posting, apatah lagi kelelahan menyiapkan research masih belum hilang. HUSM memang sangat best. very peaceful indeed, compared to HTAA. menarik, except when it comes to the part tak paham apa yang orang2 kelantan itu bicarakan. hanya perkataan 'deh' yang bisa ditangkap. hihi.

sorrow...
sedih. tak bersemangat. frustrated. but, please, hum! stop dwelling in that frustration. it will keep your eyes shut to the wholeness of the situation. forcing myself to open the eys now. even though i have to bear with all the hardships, just enjoy the pressure. yeah!! (fakhru, 2010).

rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir

Don't you ever stop!

Never stop seeking the guidance from Allah.

dwelling in my own dilemma
in the middle of my struggle to analyze all the data for my final year project (owh, all those 290 samples does give me a headache! have to really 'squint' my eyes looking at the 100+ chi square tables. master in chi square, perhaps? hihi). whilst, i have this 'chronic' type of dilemma regarding my career pathway. huh! luckily when i called my mom yesterday, i felt a very deep relief. feel sooo grateful to have a very understanding mother, that will always give her 'restu' to any of the choices that i make. siap tanya lagi, "nak suruh mak doa macam mana ni?" (sebab mak pun macam pening-pening dengar aku plan a, b, c, d, n seterusnya..hihi). tak cukup dengan memeningkan diri sendiri, a few of my colleagues were also affected. jadul? hehe.

yang penting sekarang, istikharah tanpa henti. never, ever, stop seeking the guidance from Allah, as He knows the best. apa-apa pun yang bakal berlaku, pasti ada hikmahnya. for those who read this entry, please tadah kedua belah tangan anda, n read this together with me:

"semoga Allah menunjukkan jalan yang terbaik buat Khamisah dan seluruh umat Islam, dan mengurniakannya kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat. dan semoga Khamisah dan sahabat-sahabatnya bertambah-tambah kerajinan dan kesungguhan untuk menyiapkan research mereka. ameen"

thanks for your prayer! ^_^

will this be the road not taken, or the road that will be taken? hmmm..

p/s: syafakallah, to my dearest brother, hud, as he was diagnosed positive for Influenza A. sedih sebab tidak dapat pulang ke rumah. huhu. to all, take care of your own health. mak kata sekarang banyak virus. so, silalah jadi extra pembersih..

aku dan feminism...

sekolah rendah
mula tak faham kenapa cikgu asyik suruh budak lelaki jadi ketua kelas. yang pasti penolong ketua kelas kena perempuan. kenapa mesti penolong eh? sama jugak dengan semua jawatan. ketua pengawas lelaki. ketua librarian pun lelaki. tapi waktu ni bodoh-bodoh lagi. hingus pun masih meleleh. apa cikgu cakap, ikutkan saja.

sekolah menengah
aku masuk sekolah menengah harian biasa, alhamdulillah masuk kelas arab. hampir-hampir tergoda dengan pujukan kawan-kawan untuk stay di kelas yang konon-kononnya ranking pertama (bukan kelas arab).
bermulalah episod berada di kelas arab. ustazah adibah kata budak lelaki kena duduk depan. aku pun tanya ustazah. ustazah kata:

ada ayat al-Quran: arrijalu qawwamuna alannisa' (an-Nisa': 24). 'lelaki adalah pemimpin kepada perempuan'.

"maka, bila duduk di depan, ia seperti syiar (lambang) yang lelaki adalah pemimpin kepada perempuan. bukan bermakna perempuan tu lemah bila Allah kata lelaki lebih kuat daripada perempuan. cuma, bila mereka memimpin, mereka ada tanggungjawab yang lebih. mereka kena 'tanggung' segala amanah dan 'jawab' atas segala yang diamanahkan".

jawapan ustazah aku amati sungguh-sungguh. sampaikan timbul kegeraman bila melihat kaum-kaum adam yang agak 'liat' untuk berada di hadapan, especially bila hadir ke majlis-majlis ilmu. lagi-lagi bila ada yang kurang sensitif pada sifat malu si hawa apabila berada di hadapan muslimin. it's a kind of a culture nowadays. perempuan yang akan berpusu-pusu ke hadapan berbanding kaum lelaki.

menara gading
Allah takdirkan aku berada di satu lapangan yang di'monopoli' oleh kaum wanita. one by one peristiwa yang berlaku menyebabkan aku rimas dengan kerenah-kerenah wanita yang terlampau beremosi ni (NOTE: BUKAN SEMUA!). tiada lagi tenang bila melihat wanita-wanita yang sedemikian (walaupun sudah berjawatan tinggi, berpangkat, dan sebagainya). tiada lagi zuqq yang aku rasa bila mereka mencurahkan ilmu. pedih telinga mendengar leteran, cacian, makian, umpatan dan kejian yang sekaligus menutup terus kesucian ilmu yang sepatutnya dipelihara oleh golongan murabbi (pendidik) ini. 'stress' dijadikan alasan untuk menghemburkan kata-kata nista pada yang tak berdosa. mungkin sebab ni perempuan tak sesuai jadi pemimpin? sila jawab sendiri..

men are from mars, women are from venus!
raikan setiap perbezaan yang ada. masing-masing ada kelemahan dan kelebihan. lelaki perlukan perempuan. perempuan jugak perlukan lelaki. timbul kepincangan bila masing-masing terlampau ego dan merasakan diri sendiri yang lebih hebat. sedangkan ramai yang lupa yang paling mulia di sisi Allah adalah yang bertaqwa, tidak kira lelaki ataupun perempuan!

p/s: agak kecewa bila ada lelaki yang seolah-olah malas berusaha dan berasa selesa dengan jumlah mereka yang sedikit. please wahai lelaki-lelaki yang beriman! buktikan pada feminist2 tu, bahawa Islam adalah syumul dan kedudukan wanita diiktiraf sungguh-sungguh di dalam Islam!

ISLAM IS THE BEST! ^_^

silent mode...

my first entry for this year, 2010. too many things happened that really struck my emotions, n eventually leaving me too exhausted to scribble down in this blog. bak kata orang, some things are better left unsaid. daripada cakap or tulis anything that will annoy other people, lebih baik diam, right? hihi.

back to school again!
it was so fascinating. sungguh seronok dapat kembali ke sekolah. one night experience in Maahad Kajang, was truly amazing. alhamdulillah, berjaya collect 160 samples in less than 2 hours. thanks a lot to adik farah n hafizuddin yang bertungkus lumus melayan kerenah kakak yang seorang ni. A.hud jugak sebab setia menunggu di dalam kereta. hihi. God Bless!

finally the hardships of collecting the data in SMK Bandar Baru Bangi ended yesterday. fuh, sungguh penat berulang alik dari kuantan ke bangi (pura-pura penat, sebenarnya seronok yang lebih). paling seronok bila guna alasan collect data untuk balik rumah. "eh, hum balik lagi?" common question asked to me. skema jawapan:"a'ah, nak collect data (sambil buat muka kasihan, dan serba salah, walhal dalam hati sangat gembira yang tak terkata ^_^)"

despite all the money that i had spent untuk balik (owh, sudah hampir pokai), i really enjoy this whole thing of going to the schools.

i am not done yet
there are still plenty of things to be done. but yet, the time left is so limited. after this, the catastrophic part (na'uzubillah) of analyzing the data will begin. huhu. semoga segala urusan dipermudahkanNya.

p/s: will be going back to kuantan tomorrow. kemalasan melanda. *_*