Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sarah yang sukakan manusia

Enough with all the sighs and sadness. Let me share the joy and happiness that surrounds my life. Sarah has turn into 1 y.o last october. Active as always and she has this one very unique character - SARAH SUKAKAN MANUSIA!

We clearly noticed this during abangman's kenduri. She refused to sleep during the day and kept on 'greeting' the guests. Even her cousins (the hosts) were upstairs watching tv! She greeted almost everyone (but of course depending on her moods as well). I brought sarah to usrah for a few times, but all the usrahmates were 'entertained' by her as she came, stared, babbled, nodded in front of each person who speaks! Ya Rabb!! I couldn't stay still when i attended talks as she would be too busy greeting other kids or their moms.

She got this tudung after peeking a baby and her mom. The lovely ummi gave sarah this tudung to calm her down. Haha. Sarah oh sarah!

Daie perlu sukakan manusia
I cant remember where i read this quote. Sarah has taught me well and she reminds me of this. How can you preach and deliver da'wah if you don't even like people? It will come to the point that you may deliver the messages with the sense of hatred and belittling others. The key here is to spread the love. It's not the person that you should hate. It's their wrongdoings that we should hate. Thank you dear daughter for the wonderful lesson!



Motherhood

Dearest blog. I miss you terribly. I got too carried away with the negativity and decided not to jot down anything unless i am able to tune it to a more 'positive' tone. So, here i am. I've already submitted my full draft thesis and it is now being examined by an unknown reader. All i can do is pray. And i thought that things are going to be great after the submission. But i was wrong. It's a mess. Emotional breakdown here and there. Dilemmas and dilemmas again!

Realities of motherhood
I haven't been told about the unrelenting demands of motherhood. 24/7 responsibility that left no time for myself. I expected too much of being a perfect ummi and was hard on myself. Yeah, getting married, overwhelmed by the love for abang and sarah blew my mind; but the exhaustion and the sense that my life was somehow out of my control was quite a shock. It is no longer about me. It is a whole new world full of emotional highs and lows.


Running away!
Nope. I'm not planning to do any ridiculous act by far. The worst i did so far was to beg abang for allowing me to go to my sister's house (just for the sake of having the silly sissy chats - haha. I guess this is how i can ventilate my feelings now). I miss talking to kak marlina (dunno whether she still read this blog), but seriously i keep on reminiscing the moments we had gone through together.


Find my way back
I decided to write back at this blog after finish reading this book.



It somehow urges me to find my way back to the right path. Reminds me the needs to find the 'real' me. To end all the miseries that had been bothering my mind. Highly recommended to all.

As for now, am still learning to speak my mind. Ever since i decided to start writing, my mind keeps on composing words for every event happens. Will slowly learn how to drain the words into something that sounds optimistic and may it benefit me and all of us. Biiznillah, insyaAllah.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

i'm still here

I promised not to write in here if i haven't submitted the first draft of my thesis. Alhamdulillah, i've done that the last two weeks. So here i am. still breathing alhamdulillah, gained some weight (urghh!!! menci), and trying to get myself to relax after the past 'disastrous' month.

Babywearing class
Abang and i attended the class last weekend. It went well and sarah was such in a happy mood. Have been thinking of buying a pouch for sarah and i bought one at manjakuhappy. it's the fastest bw material to use by far. but not so convenient to be used for a long period of time (eg. shopping). nak buat keje sikit2 kat rumah ok lah. aiming to get one ssc (soft structured carrier). tapi haruslah menabung dulu and do lots and lots of study to buy the most suitable one. 


anakku oh anakku!
sarah fell over from mak's bed this morning. it's the second incident after she learns how to roll over. taktau mimpi apa nak tidurkan sarah atas katil pulak pagi ni. dah lama sangat sarah tak tidur siang kat katil. huhu. ummi mintak maaf ya. when this kind of things happen, i'll tend to have a kind of feeling that say i am a 'bad' mom. huhu. i hope i am not. thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to at least trying to be a good mom. she is now 8 month ++. has been eating a lot, especially when walid feeds her; and able to recognize significant people around her (nangis jerit2 bila nampak nurse yang cucuk dia masa 6 bulan, walhal nurse tu baru lalu je. huhu). the cewek2 part i think she got it from me. haha. 

the upcoming ramadhan
i don't know what to expect. i tried to give ebm to sarah few weeks ago (luckily she still wants to be bottle fed after 4 moths of exclusive direct feeding - malas nak uruskan pekakas breast pump. huhu). but my friend told me just to continue with direct feeding as pumping will make u more tired and having less product. doakan ya. semoga diberi kekuatan insyaAllah. semoga dapat melaksanakan ibadah dengan sempurna dan tenang dan sihat sejahtera. Allahumma ameen. i still have doubt, "boleh ke ni?", but mak will always say, "boleh", doa banyak2 and kena positif insyaAllah Allah makbulkan. so, jom reset minda! "SAYA BOLEH INSYAALLAH". boleh khatam al-Quran, boleh puasa penuh, boleh terawikh dengan tenang bersama sarah n walid @masjid, boleh bangun malam, boleh bangun tolong mak masak sahur (kantoi tahun lepas byk cheating. huhu), boleh manfaatkan masa n plan perjalanan hidup untuk masa depan, Allahumma ameen.

p/s: btw, the thesis story has not ended yet. i have not yet received the feedback from my sv. so until then, i need to pray so that there won't be too many corrections to be done. doakan ya. semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. Ameen,

till then, have a blessed Ramadhan everyone! 


Sunday, March 23, 2014

SAHM

i'm not just a stay-at-home-mom. but a student-at-home-mom. it is not easy (yeah, it sounds mengada and macam nak mengeluh kan? hehe). Frankly to say, i'm still struggling to juggle things up between my study and managing my lil angel, sarah. I'm not sure how all the wahms did that, but my salute goes to those who succeed.

Running out of time
Yes. The due of submitting my thesis is just around the corner. My heart palpitates whenever i think about it. Yeah, it's like i'm stuck with it, and just want to end it no matter what. manage to write a paragraph is already a bless to me. yes, it's tough. but, i'm going to finish it up, no matter what. yeahhhh!!! (rasa nak meloncat sebab geram lama sangat tak siap. huhu). tolong doakan ya. doakan so that khamisah diberi kekuatan, semangat, idea bernas, serta keberkatan masa untuk menyiapkan thesis masternya. Allahumma ameen.


time flies. sarah is now reaching 6 m.o. it's almost the time to introduce her to solid food. di kala jiwa runsing thesis tak siap, walid sarah not around sebab pergi umrah; mbah2 n nenek2 sarah got too excited to feed her. bila sarah nangis je, they will say "lapar lah tu". "bagi je nestum" etc. huhu. so dah dua kali jugak ummi tak dapat nak berkeras, n sarah was given air kanji nasi. she had a few sips. after i did a little research, i found out that baby is supposed to be introduced to fruits or vege first, then only carbs. haha. tersilap. ok, tepat 6 bulan, ummi kasi my homemade-made with love puree, ya sayang! 

we miss him!
we miss you, walid!!

abang insyaAllah will be coming back home from umrah this monday. cepatlah masa berlalu. we miss him so badly. i tried so hard not to cry each day - simpan tenaga nak jaga sarah. kalau nangis, nanti lembik pulak. huhu. sarah pulak semakin manja. malam first kena tinggal dengan walid dia demam. demam rindu i reckoned. kesian sarah. :( semoga diterima segala amalan dan doa abang. ameen.

till then. hope my next post is when i've already submitted my first draft thesis. ameen.