Friday, December 17, 2010

Quest of knowledge

it had been a week since i enrolled in this master program. feeling proud? NOPE! not at all. i would rather say it is terrifying. most of the time, i'm the only freshgrad student from different field that attended the class. haha. deserves me right, i guess! feeling great? of course! i managed to meet those knowledgable person (yet they are sooooo modest!). the excitement i felt whenever i went out from each lecture will definitely motivates me to put more effort into it. insyaAllah.

i'm doing fine
for those who wonder whether i can survive in here, i'm ok, i guess. for now at least i am. i have to adapt well. i'm 24. not 14. (though never feel like one). the mosque is great. the library is a bless where i found myself drowning among those books. the only part of my body that feels the pressure are my foot. Ruqayyah is soooo la far away. you can even finish reciting the ma'thurat halfway to my kulliyyah. (serius jauh. tak tipu). yet, i feel serene here.

putting away the frustrations and MOVE ON!
dr burhan, my statistics lecturer, drew the attention of the class to me when he asked, "what makes you change your field?" before i even have the time to activate my neurons and give excuses, he guessed, "self satisfaction?" "exactly sir! that is one of the reasons". i sat and began to ponder. is it? at first i thought it is only some sort of denial kind of act, rooted from my frustrations, and after several discussions with my personal counselor, kak sarah. ^_^

i cannot lie. the guilt is always there, where i did not go for my clinical practice. i'm willing to give back the award given, as long as i wouldn't feel like such anymore.

i believe there is a hikmah behind all that happen. there must be reasons why i'm being positioned by Allah in here. i just have to move on. trying my best to grab all the wisdom from all the great scholars around me. please pray for me. may Allah shower His blessings upon us all.

p/s: my personal aims; to learn arabic, to be friends with LOTS of foreigners (the darker the better.. chang should know this. hehe), get ENGAGED with books!