Friday, July 22, 2016

Eidul fitri 2016

Eid mubarak to all. It doesn't feel like raya at all for me. Still berpantang kan? Nevertheless, i gobbled up most of the kuih raya and did some food testing to the rendangs (seketul ayam kira sikit kan? Lol). Wore my all time favourite grey baju kurung (no new baju for this year, just a recycled one), did some photoshoot after abang and sarah came back from the mosque and then stayed most of the time in the room to nurse adam.

PARANOID
Reading to the current vaccination issues has made me become one paranoid mother. Of course i do! It was so devastating to go back and forth to the nicu right after the delivery and the last thing i ever wanted was to spend my confinement period at the nicu again. I got too scared to let adam being exposed to people. He stayed in the room when large groups of people came during the eid. I also hastened when abang decided to go back to kedah this coming august (those diphteria cases are very intimidating!). I thought that i had tried my best to protect my fragile baby.

SORE EYES
No matter how hard i tried, Allah is indeed the Ultimate Planner. He Knows Best. Adam had sore eyes on the 4th syawal. He got infected from my niece (so, please don't be selfish to celebrate raya when you or your kids are sick. Just stay at home and don't let the germs spread to others!!!). It does not end there, two days later, me too got infected and followed by abang two days later. How pathetic was that!! Maybe we both were too tired moving back to our house, thus our immune system were depleted. Sarah too was sick. She had fever for more than three days and was on antibiotics. Thanks to the doctor who gave abang 4 days mc, or else i would be dead! So, there goes our eid celebration. Surrounded by sarah's pukes and tantrums, while having red, itchy, and watery eyes. One week quarantine at home. Pretty amazing, right!!! Haha.

Alhamdulillah, we are getting better now. Adam too had just circumsized, and alhamdulillah the wound healing is pretty good. One week left before syawal ends. Hopefully we are fully recovered and can enjoy all the scrumptious foods during the open houses and kenduri this weekend. Allahumma ameen. :)

Monday, June 20, 2016

Welcome to the world, Adam Basheer!

Confinement, day 20.

Ahlan to the world my lil mujahid. Alhamdulillah thummal hamdulillah. I safely delivered my second child on 31st may 2016, 10.08pm @hospital serdang. We named him Adam Basheer. Alhamdulillah i managed to have a vbac this time. But i will only post my birth story later. Too much to be shared, and remembered for our future references.

As for now, i'm writing this post right after looking at the pics of my bubbly first daughter, sarah. I shed some tears looking at the pics of me, abang and sarah, spending our last moments upon the arrival of adam basheer. Yes, suddenly i feel so sorry that i have to split my attention to the newborn while struggling to manage the pain after the delivery. More tantrums than ever (attention seeking purposes), sometimes people around me just easliy called her 'nakal'. This really disheartened me. I tried very hard not to call her nakal no matter how irritating her behaviour can be. 'Nakal', 'nakai', 'naughty' are not positive words. It's du'a, peeps! And it doubles my disappoinment as i dont have much energy to take care of her by my own during this very fragile period.

Kakak sarah,

Please hang in there. Once this confinement period is over and ummi is perfectly healthy, we can go back to 'rumah kita'. Ummi and walid miss 'rumah kita' as much as you do. Ummi cant wait to re-potty train you and start back our homeschooling session. Ummi rindu nak berdua2 dengan sarah, nak masak, basuh baju, jemur baju and simply doing every single thing dengan sarah. Please behave and be a good, exampalary, solehah kakak to adam, ok? Things might not be the same after this, but ummi prays that it will become better and more joyful with the new addition in our family. InsyaAllah.

Till then, ummi, walid and adik adam love u; kakak sarah ♡

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Week 34!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Done with my title as a student at home mom. Alhamdulillah i finally graduated last october. Phewwww!!! After much tears  and sacrifices, i finally did it! Thank you all for the continuous help, support and du'a.

As i scrolled down my previous posts, i realize that i wrote much about sarah. But still nil post about 'adik sarah'. Yes, i am now counting the days for the baby to pop out! I'm now at 34th weeks. Too busy to settle in our new house at bandar seri putra and coping with the active sarah while carrying this baby has left me very limited time and energy to do anything else. And yes, i still stay at home, as some people call it, SURI UMMAH.

There are so much things that has been playing around in my mind lately. I want to write about almost everything. About how do i feel about this pregnancy, our previous family trip to lombok, my antenatal class at hospital serdang, my baking experience to sell brownies, sarah's educational and toilet training plan, etc. And the list goes on. I guess that i just have to take one small step to write about all that. I need to do a few adjustments to this blog so that i can easily post anything via my phone. Sarah will be too busy 'accompanying' me when i used my laptop. Till then. InsyaAllah we'll meet again soon, my dear blog.

And dear baby, please hang in there and grow healthily! Ummi still has lots of things to handle and prepare for your arrival. Ummi, walid and kakak sarah love u! ♡

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sarah yang sukakan manusia

Enough with all the sighs and sadness. Let me share the joy and happiness that surrounds my life. Sarah has turn into 1 y.o last october. Active as always and she has this one very unique character - SARAH SUKAKAN MANUSIA!

We clearly noticed this during abangman's kenduri. She refused to sleep during the day and kept on 'greeting' the guests. Even her cousins (the hosts) were upstairs watching tv! She greeted almost everyone (but of course depending on her moods as well). I brought sarah to usrah for a few times, but all the usrahmates were 'entertained' by her as she came, stared, babbled, nodded in front of each person who speaks! Ya Rabb!! I couldn't stay still when i attended talks as she would be too busy greeting other kids or their moms.

She got this tudung after peeking a baby and her mom. The lovely ummi gave sarah this tudung to calm her down. Haha. Sarah oh sarah!

Daie perlu sukakan manusia
I cant remember where i read this quote. Sarah has taught me well and she reminds me of this. How can you preach and deliver da'wah if you don't even like people? It will come to the point that you may deliver the messages with the sense of hatred and belittling others. The key here is to spread the love. It's not the person that you should hate. It's their wrongdoings that we should hate. Thank you dear daughter for the wonderful lesson!



Motherhood

Dearest blog. I miss you terribly. I got too carried away with the negativity and decided not to jot down anything unless i am able to tune it to a more 'positive' tone. So, here i am. I've already submitted my full draft thesis and it is now being examined by an unknown reader. All i can do is pray. And i thought that things are going to be great after the submission. But i was wrong. It's a mess. Emotional breakdown here and there. Dilemmas and dilemmas again!

Realities of motherhood
I haven't been told about the unrelenting demands of motherhood. 24/7 responsibility that left no time for myself. I expected too much of being a perfect ummi and was hard on myself. Yeah, getting married, overwhelmed by the love for abang and sarah blew my mind; but the exhaustion and the sense that my life was somehow out of my control was quite a shock. It is no longer about me. It is a whole new world full of emotional highs and lows.


Running away!
Nope. I'm not planning to do any ridiculous act by far. The worst i did so far was to beg abang for allowing me to go to my sister's house (just for the sake of having the silly sissy chats - haha. I guess this is how i can ventilate my feelings now). I miss talking to kak marlina (dunno whether she still read this blog), but seriously i keep on reminiscing the moments we had gone through together.


Find my way back
I decided to write back at this blog after finish reading this book.



It somehow urges me to find my way back to the right path. Reminds me the needs to find the 'real' me. To end all the miseries that had been bothering my mind. Highly recommended to all.

As for now, am still learning to speak my mind. Ever since i decided to start writing, my mind keeps on composing words for every event happens. Will slowly learn how to drain the words into something that sounds optimistic and may it benefit me and all of us. Biiznillah, insyaAllah.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

i'm still here

I promised not to write in here if i haven't submitted the first draft of my thesis. Alhamdulillah, i've done that the last two weeks. So here i am. still breathing alhamdulillah, gained some weight (urghh!!! menci), and trying to get myself to relax after the past 'disastrous' month.

Babywearing class
Abang and i attended the class last weekend. It went well and sarah was such in a happy mood. Have been thinking of buying a pouch for sarah and i bought one at manjakuhappy. it's the fastest bw material to use by far. but not so convenient to be used for a long period of time (eg. shopping). nak buat keje sikit2 kat rumah ok lah. aiming to get one ssc (soft structured carrier). tapi haruslah menabung dulu and do lots and lots of study to buy the most suitable one. 


anakku oh anakku!
sarah fell over from mak's bed this morning. it's the second incident after she learns how to roll over. taktau mimpi apa nak tidurkan sarah atas katil pulak pagi ni. dah lama sangat sarah tak tidur siang kat katil. huhu. ummi mintak maaf ya. when this kind of things happen, i'll tend to have a kind of feeling that say i am a 'bad' mom. huhu. i hope i am not. thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to at least trying to be a good mom. she is now 8 month ++. has been eating a lot, especially when walid feeds her; and able to recognize significant people around her (nangis jerit2 bila nampak nurse yang cucuk dia masa 6 bulan, walhal nurse tu baru lalu je. huhu). the cewek2 part i think she got it from me. haha. 

the upcoming ramadhan
i don't know what to expect. i tried to give ebm to sarah few weeks ago (luckily she still wants to be bottle fed after 4 moths of exclusive direct feeding - malas nak uruskan pekakas breast pump. huhu). but my friend told me just to continue with direct feeding as pumping will make u more tired and having less product. doakan ya. semoga diberi kekuatan insyaAllah. semoga dapat melaksanakan ibadah dengan sempurna dan tenang dan sihat sejahtera. Allahumma ameen. i still have doubt, "boleh ke ni?", but mak will always say, "boleh", doa banyak2 and kena positif insyaAllah Allah makbulkan. so, jom reset minda! "SAYA BOLEH INSYAALLAH". boleh khatam al-Quran, boleh puasa penuh, boleh terawikh dengan tenang bersama sarah n walid @masjid, boleh bangun malam, boleh bangun tolong mak masak sahur (kantoi tahun lepas byk cheating. huhu), boleh manfaatkan masa n plan perjalanan hidup untuk masa depan, Allahumma ameen.

p/s: btw, the thesis story has not ended yet. i have not yet received the feedback from my sv. so until then, i need to pray so that there won't be too many corrections to be done. doakan ya. semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. Ameen,

till then, have a blessed Ramadhan everyone! 


Sunday, March 23, 2014

SAHM

i'm not just a stay-at-home-mom. but a student-at-home-mom. it is not easy (yeah, it sounds mengada and macam nak mengeluh kan? hehe). Frankly to say, i'm still struggling to juggle things up between my study and managing my lil angel, sarah. I'm not sure how all the wahms did that, but my salute goes to those who succeed.

Running out of time
Yes. The due of submitting my thesis is just around the corner. My heart palpitates whenever i think about it. Yeah, it's like i'm stuck with it, and just want to end it no matter what. manage to write a paragraph is already a bless to me. yes, it's tough. but, i'm going to finish it up, no matter what. yeahhhh!!! (rasa nak meloncat sebab geram lama sangat tak siap. huhu). tolong doakan ya. doakan so that khamisah diberi kekuatan, semangat, idea bernas, serta keberkatan masa untuk menyiapkan thesis masternya. Allahumma ameen.


time flies. sarah is now reaching 6 m.o. it's almost the time to introduce her to solid food. di kala jiwa runsing thesis tak siap, walid sarah not around sebab pergi umrah; mbah2 n nenek2 sarah got too excited to feed her. bila sarah nangis je, they will say "lapar lah tu". "bagi je nestum" etc. huhu. so dah dua kali jugak ummi tak dapat nak berkeras, n sarah was given air kanji nasi. she had a few sips. after i did a little research, i found out that baby is supposed to be introduced to fruits or vege first, then only carbs. haha. tersilap. ok, tepat 6 bulan, ummi kasi my homemade-made with love puree, ya sayang! 

we miss him!
we miss you, walid!!

abang insyaAllah will be coming back home from umrah this monday. cepatlah masa berlalu. we miss him so badly. i tried so hard not to cry each day - simpan tenaga nak jaga sarah. kalau nangis, nanti lembik pulak. huhu. sarah pulak semakin manja. malam first kena tinggal dengan walid dia demam. demam rindu i reckoned. kesian sarah. :( semoga diterima segala amalan dan doa abang. ameen.

till then. hope my next post is when i've already submitted my first draft thesis. ameen.