huh!

ok. so i failed to fulfill my aim to write persistently. huhu. time flies so fast and i had a very tough time to catch up with everything. 'ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah for every kind of ni'mah bestowed upon me.

dreams!
this the project that i have to do for my anthropology subject. to be specific, it's about "senoi dream therapy". "senoi"? i bet most of you never heard about it right? hehe. senoi is basically one of the Orang Asli's tribe found in Malaysia. thus, i went to bukit kala, gombak to find out about this a few weeks back. i couldn't stop smiling, thinking how passionate dr alwi in persuading me to go here. hehe. am not going to talk much about it now, but later insyaAllah i'll post my comprehensive report about it (cewah! cita-cita tinggi. haha)

more and more projects
i spent 2 days of my midsemester break at iium montessori. collecting data for my mini project of "sharing behaviour among the children". alhamdulillah, done in collecting the data, but yet to finish the written report (ooopps! not even start a single paragraph yet. haha). another 2 articles to be reviewed, one mini project for stress management subject, and the list goes on. seems like i shouldn't waste any more time, but i ended up watching 'running man' if i  got stuck in the middle. *teruk teruk*

midsemester break
the holiday went well. i went to terengganu for my cousin's wed. entertained by yusuf n yasir throughout the journey (yusuf keeps on using the word 'encik' as i taught him during our drama play. he would go like saying "apa kabar, encik", "nak minum apa, encik". haha. fine! ciyam's fault. hehe. at least he learns how to address people nicely (skema yang lebih kot. ^_^). had gossips with the makciks (felt like i really have aged, though i'm the youngest among them). back from terengganu, i caught a flu, a perfect time as i was just about to begin running my projects the next day. huhu. in short, a well-spent holiday, alhamdulillah.

p/s: please pray for me, peeps! hope that everything will run smoothly and i'm able to bring out the best in me for everything, bi iznillah. till then, have a blessed life everyone!

i'm back

it has been a while. i'm now in my 3rd semester and have to struggle for my thesis in the next one. LOTs of major things happened in the past few months. and recently i fell over and sprained my ankle. yes, blame me for my clumsiness. hehe. feeling guilty to trouble others a lot, 'ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah for this test given by Allah.

lectures!

forgive me if i'm getting obsessed with my fav lecturers. got another class with dr burhan this semester and he still remember me. yeay! and get to know dr syed alwi in stress management class. the course really suits it's title. my eyes were filled with tears due to the joy and contentment i felt during the first lecture (as if my 'imaginary' depressive illness starts to subside). lol. i took another independent study with him for my anthropology subject (influenced by the movie, Nanny Diaries!. haha). hopefully Allah will ease and bless my knowledge-seeking journey throughout this semester. ameen.

kiddos!

some updates about my three lil musketeers (yusuf, yasir n umar). yusuf enrolled into little caliph kindergarten this year and now he can recognized phonics characters n memorize solah's recitation (though he usually perform facing the other way around from the real qiblah. hehe). yasir, sometimes throw his tantrum but yet his 'cheeky' face is always charming. whilst, umar is still struggling in his walking lesson and tries to catch up to his other cousins. go, umar, go! ^_^

really need to organize my life accordingly. have yet to finish my proposal for child psychology subject. sometimes this perfectionism attitude almost kills me. till then. have a productive life, everybody!

p/s: aiming to write persistently. will share something that keeps on bordering my mind lately with all of you, soon. ^_^

eidul mubarak!

Eidul mubarak to all!

i read back the old post that i have on this event (note: Labbaikallahumma labbaik). yes, it was about the supplications that we should prioritize in our lives. somehow, it really struck my emotions. sometimes i just got too carried away with my worldly life that i forget my ultimate aim should be to get the blessings of Allah.

eidul adha is supposed to remind us all to grasp the true meaning of it - which is to SACRIFICE. and one will never reach this level of sacrifice, until he/she knows how and what to GIVE.

"when you begin to give others the things you want for yourself, you have really understood the power of giving" (Jamal & McKinnon, 2008).

try this
there was a time that i was so distressed, felt like everything is too much to be swallowed. tension was running up high. apart from ventilating my emotions to nony n bah, i tried to do something different on that day.

so i began my day, walking out from my room with basmalah. then, i forced myself to smile. it seemed pretty tough, though they say it only takes a few muscles to work if you smile. then, i started to give salam and smile to whomever i met (regardless whether i know them or not) along the way until i reached to my class.

guess what? when i arrived there, i felt like tonnes of my problems have been lifted away from my chest. a complete serene feeling that i thought i will not experience on that day. as people answered to my salam and smiled back at me (note: not all did smile back at me. some even have that weird kind of face, as if saying "do i know u?"); i looked at their face, and imagined as if they were saying all sorts of motivating words to me, "don't be sad", "cheer up, girl!", etc. it feels like the whole world is comforting me, and say, "hey, life is not that bad. be positive!". all these, only by seeing them smile back to me and answered my salam. hihihi.

so that's how i learn the power of giving salam and smile. what i wanted from others on that day was simply some motivations and encouragement. so, instead of waiting and asking others for it, i received what i wanted in a peculiar but very effective way; which is to GIVE.

Everyone can give something. Even if you can't give money or material objects, you can give time, knowledge, wisdom, skills, leadership, attention, touch, advice, hope, laughter or love. just name it. let us all sacrifice with every means that we are capable of; only in the name of Allah. may Allah bless us all. ^_^

p/s: i met my fellow undergrad coursemates yesterday - didy, rif n fos. i actually had a zest of meeting these 3 wonderful ladies compared to discussing the issues in the meeting. i was really touched; as by Allah's will; we managed to perform zuhur prayer and even takbeer together with the imam. Alhamdulillah, what a bliss!

living in history...

history derives from many perspectives. it is actually the accumulation of many 'his-story's. Bersih 2.0 was indeed a historical event. some may don't even bother about it. some may stay at home, cursing the protesters for all the chaotic situations that occurred (regardless who created them in the first place). some may be there, marching along with the participants, witnessing what actually happened and treasuring all the values they learnt throughout the rally.

my story

so, i was there. arrived early enough but i already smelt something familiar -tear gas!- my friends and i hustled towards an alley, stopped by a stall operated by a few indonesian women; whom gave a very warm welcome while repeating their slogans, "malaysia boleh! malaysia aman!"

it was already around 10 am, and i didn't want to waste any more energy walking around as to avoid the cops. some of my friends had already been arrested! my friend, A; and i decided to stay at petaling street. a middle-aged, chinese man then approached us. "bagus.. bagus... anak-anak muda sudah berani!". i just smiled back at him. around 12 noon, out of a sudden, a crowd is formed around us; and i saw another crowd was moving towards us at the opposite of the road. owh, it had begun! we marched peacefully towards jalan hang tuah back and forth, until the crowd finally marched towards a larger crowd in front of Maybank building.

the climax

dr hatta was giving the speech. i had fun watching others got ecstatic. not long after that, i heard the siren, the police fired up and the tear gas canister was so close to us and i was suddenly surrounded by heavy smoke. i ran but almost trapped when a guy in front of me suddenly stopped at the narrow path. "gerak, gerak," i yelled while swallowing the fumes. i can barely see, but luckily i spotted A. with shivering hands and still gasping for air, i took out some salt and put them in my mouth. A, unable to find hers, she swiped some that left at my lips and hands and put them in her mouth. the fumes was getting worst. A then grabbed my hand and we climbed up the stairs nearby. almost suffocated, i exhaled deeply. i thought i almost died, that i recited syahadah repeatedly. saliva coming out from my mouth, mucous running out from my nose. this is the worst tear-gassed experience i had so far.

we found a running tap water at the hill slope, where the guys had their ablution to perform zuhur prayer. i wet my handkerchief and took ablution as well. not long after that, another siren. tear gas again! A and i ran, helped by a few gentlemen to pass through the narrow fence. our running speed was not that excellent as i felt my throat and stomach were still burning with the acid gas. we decided to find shelter at the nearest building and i saw some people rushed into a motel (A first thought it was a temple!). like a drama queen, i waved and begged, "please, please!". "hurry up!", an indian guy waited for us to come in before he locked up the gate. i was quite surprised to see that most of the 'refugees' there were males. they offered us to sit but kindly i insisted to perform my solah first.

the rain was pouring heavily. another shot of tear gas was being launched. the indian worker led us to the back of the building, offering salt and asked us to wash our face with the running tap water. as the police passed through the building, he even asked us to hide. we thanked him so much and bought two bottles of mineral water before leaving. he showed us thumbs up sign and waved us goodbye.

truly 1 Malaysia

the rally was so moving and i believe each participants can feel how people really looked after one another throughout the rally, despite of different religions, races and ages. i witnessed: a guy tore up his towel into two to share another half with a stranger; strangers offering salt to me and A to counteract the tear gas effect; strangers helping us at the motel; someone always stepped up ensuring the panicked run doesn't turn into a stampede. i feel very safe in the crowd. trust me, you can hear these kind of kindness act from every single marchers. congrats najib! your 1 Malaysia concept was instead practiced by your own opponents. at least you preach on something which is good.

inhumane!

i cried when i watched the video of those who were being tear gassed and trapped in kl central. i cried when i watched in tv najib insulting anwar lying in pain after being tear gassed (i would probably feel the same if najib was in his place). i cried when i watched the video of the man having a seizure attack while his hands were still tied. those who attended the rally knows exactly how horrible it feels watching all these. i cannot even bear to hear nasty and mean things said about the man who died after being tear gassed. this is very inhumane! what kind of violence did the protesters created? is it logical for the cops to heartlessly showered water canon and tear gas to the people that had yellow flowers, bananas, yellow t-shirts as their weapons? it's not a rocket science to understand something that we call as humanity.

these protesters acted civilized enough not to destroy property or hurt one another. several got hurts and one died but the participants did not cause them. even the restaurants and shops that dared enough to operate actually benefits a lot on that day. i feel sorry for the shattered newly wed couples when guests did not turn up, but who in the first place did all the road blocks and scaring all not to go out on that day?

different worldview

if the government in the first place understands the psychology of people having different worldviews, i don't think Bersih 2.0 will turn out this way. a simple thing like - giving RESPECT to others' views which is different from yours; is the key to worldwide peace. others may have different view on this, but that is his story. i'm proud that i'm a part of the history. 10 or 20 years to come, people may write this event in our history textbook. and by that time, i can proudly relating MY-story to my grandchildren or other youths. at least i have my own stand and my own story. do you?

enjoy this poem by A. Samad Said

ikhlas and istikhlas.

Sincerity stands for purifying one's deeds from blemishes of showiness in order to make them purely intended to Allah s.w.t. A sincere person strives to purify his soul from vices and exerts himself to perform (good) deeds and maintain sincerity of intention so that Allah will accept his deeds.

The word ikhlas roots from an arabic word of kholasa (finish). one sister once told me, that is why when a person is doing something sincerely (ikhlas), he will not expecting any reward from it. the deeds will end there, not hoping for anything else. kholas. finish.

a struggle to learn the subject of ikhlas (sincerity)

we are not born with sincerity. it is something that we have to strive to achieve it. these past few weeks were really challenging. i was struggling with the tough subject that i took in this short semester. presentations that took days of preparation. effortless person to deal with (hehe.this one was the hardest). etc. so i ended up babbling and begging to myself: "please, ikhlas. please, ikhlas". hoping that all my deeds and efforts are truly intended to get the blessings from Allah s.w.t.

back then, when i was in kisas, the word 'istikhlas' was very popular and widely used (though not sure whether it really exist!). we usually said, if you are not ikhlas in doing something, at least you must try to be one (according to kisasians' dictionary; istikhlas = the effort to achieve ikhlas). when we were being forced to do something good that we didn't really akin to, we would be saying to ourselves: istikhlas, istikhlas. (wah, rindu zaman sekolah!)

inner peace!

i am so grateful that at least throughout this short semester Allah has taught me on how to be sincere. Alhamdulillah. the most important thing is to forgive others and that is where you can find the inner peace.

"anything is possible when you have inner peace", shifu in Kungfu Panda 2.

i really hope that with this inner peace i can face my examination next week serenely. May Allah place this light of ikhlas in our hearts and may He guide and keep us on the straight path. May He forgive our shortcomings and envelope us with His barakah and mercy. ameen.

kholastu.

selesai sudah perjuangan satu semester. bakal merindui murabbi2 yang berjaya menjentik dan mengingatkan hati nurani ini untuk sentiasa tenang dan terus mencari 'nilai' di sebalik ilmu yang dicapai. terima kasih ya Allah atas nikmat ini. the most interesting part i learnt here is that: i can learn anything. ilmu Allah itu sangat luas.

ole-ole sempena cuti intersemester

able to grab these souvenirs for my 2 weeks holidays. hehe. walaupun poket seringkali kontang, rasanya tak perlu susah-susah hati sebab takde duit nak beli buku. bergunung buku-buku kat library tu meronta-ronta untuk dibaca. happy reading, everyone!

semoga kecintaan pada ilmu semakin berapi-api. dan semoga walaupun dengan hanya sedikit ilmu yang diperoleh, bisa mendekatkan diri ini pada Pencipta Sekalian Alam. Ameen.

the outcome of stress

tanpa menghiraukan kerja yang menimbun, serta projek mini yang masih tergendala, inilah hasilnya. supper sempena menonton siri akhir 'Hani'. hehe

first batch: sweet buns

second batch: cheezy sweet buns

enough, khamisah. berazam meletakkan usaha yang lebih gigih terhadap pelajaran sebelum bergelut dengan final exam yang semakin hampir. may Allah bless us all.