Tying the knot

salam jumuáh to all!

Alhamdulillah wa thumma alhamdulillah. it's no longer a secret. Through His infinite grace, i am now a wife. the great joys of marriage however drag great responsibilities with it. I'm scared. I really do. afraid that i couldn't fulfilled the amanah that comes along with this new status. dear all, please pray for us, so that the marriage shall be blessed by Him.

i'm back
it has been a while. abang said last night when we watched julie & julia, "dah lama dah blog bintu-soleh tu tak bergerak". (owh, btw. i just figured out that abang was used to be the silent follower for this blog. Oh my! looking back on the ridiculous things i wrote, i bet that i wouldn't post anything if i know it in the first place. huhu).

i really have to sort things out and plan for everything properly. the tense will never stop i guess. after two disastrous months at the office and getting ready for the weddings, now i have to learn juggling the responsibilities as a housewife and my thesis (palpitations whenever the word thesis comes out. huhu). nevertheless, saya bersyukur, tenang dan bahagia (prof muhaya teaches this mantra to deal with stress).

mucho gracias
we (abang and i) sincerely thank our family members, friends and all that had been working sooooo hard for our weddings. we truly grateful for all the dua', wishes and lovely wedding gifts given by all. Jazakumullahu khairan katheera.

my other half
*abang, i know you are reading this.* he is now my ticket to jannah. i promise to myself that i will struggle to bring out the best in me and love him the most, next to Allah and Rasul. i love him. i really do. from the moment he said "aku terima nikahnya", i choose to truly love him, with kindness, faithfulness and respect; through every circumstance that life may bring.

please pray that i can finish up my thesis soon enough. have been stuck in this phase for too long i guess. till then, have a pleasant and blessed life, everyone! ^_^

p/s: jumaat pertama di bulan kelahiran Nabi Muhammad saw. jom hidupkan Sunnah! 

Free me

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” 
― Rumi

jumble kind of feelings.

insecurity has simply led me to live in this world full of cruelty and selfishness.

living with such doubts and fearfulness to the uncertainties invites more bad thoughts to come. how i wish it can be easily washed away.

i begin to feel like i'm losing control of my life. the question like 'who's actually in charge of my life?' popped out. and the fact that i'm working so hard to live up to people's expectation is a no-no solution to this issue.

i'm going to put all these into an end. 

and i'm going to do that by doing the hardest part of it all - FORGIVE myself.

please pray for me. whoever you are that happen to read this. 

a nanny's diary

irdina aishah - my first niece! was appointed as aishah's babysitter bermula selepas 2 minggu kelahiran si comel ini. yes, aishah masih merah, kecil, 'fragile' and because of that abgman dan k dibah tak berani lagi nak hantar aishah ke taska (as if aku pandai sangat jaga baby - cuak sangat. note: aishah jenis cepat tersedak bila minum susu). harini genap 22 hari aku jadi babysitter aishah. penat? haruslah. tapi worth it rasanya experience ni. 


feeding
aishah sangat kuat minum susu. baru 14 days, dah minum lebih 3 oz for each feeding (nanti nak share cara2 handle EBM (expressed breast milk) untuk babysitter yang amatur, like me). orang kata baby 2 weeks minum around 10 oz kat taska (8am- 5pm, waktu pejabat), tapi aishah pukul 12 noon, dah sampai 7 oz. siap kena request kat k dibah packing susu 3 oz, sebab 2 oz memang tak cukup, sampai kena lari2 mak (means lari laju) sebab aishah suka meraung vol 10 kalau tak cukup susu.


my wish
nak hafal more quranic verses (sangat jeles pada hafizah2 yang boleh bacakan ayat2 suci alQuran yang indah bila2 je kat anak diorang). kenapa kita kena lazimkan baca alQuran, zikir2, selawat, etc? sebab semua ni akan jadi habit kita. masa susukan baby, masa 'burp'kan baby, masa mandi, pakai baju, dodoi nak tidur, semua pun ibadah dan boleh tambah extra kredit kalau si ibu boleh bacakan ayat2 alQuran, selawat2, zikir, etc, pada si anak. so, waktu ni tak sempat dah nak fikir zikir mana best, selawat mana yg sesuai, ayat mana yang nak dibaca. semuanya spontan, automatik keluar ikut apa yang selalu kita amalkan. kurang amalkan zikir, kuranglah zikir yang terlintas kat hati dan pemikiran. anda belum berkahwin? jangan risau, Allah nak beri masa extra untuk siapkan diri upgrade all these things (trust me: nanti dah beranak-pinak, nak solat fardhu pun terkejar2). yang penting niatkan bukan sebab nak amalkan waktu susukan anak sahaja, tapi nak pastikan semua ni sebati dalam jasad dan rohani kita. supaya mengalir dalam setiap sel yang wujud dalam diri ini. insyaAllah.


ibu muda beranak 4
4 orang anak buah, semua dah merasa 'dijaga' ciyam. kebetulan last week, 7 hari, non-stop jaga those kiddos -yusuf, yasir, umar n aishah-. tak perasan, sampai mak yang tegur "wah, sampai tujuh hari jadi babysitter". my bad - having problem of saying no! anyhow, love those adorable kiddos very much! ciyam doakan semua membesar jadi insan beriman, soleh lagi musleh. hugs n kisses!

ever after: a bersih 3.0 story

alhamdulillah. i was there. completing the third chapter of my bersih story. so grateful that i was able to get involve in another epic of malaysian history. not having so many polices around had eased our journey to CM. ambiga was there to lead the crowd to dataran merdeka. i had a nice stroll at petaling street before that, watched floods of chinese people gathered with such enthusiasm, shared a packet of biscuits that i brought with a chinese elderly and had a quick photography session there. F and i bought yellow towels and even a mysterious guy handed me a yellow ribbon before he suddenly disappeared.

after zuhur prayer, we then marched towards dataran merdeka. the only challenges during that time was the extremely hot weather.  we couldn't go any more further because jalan tun perak had already been crammed with people. it was in fact a very peaceful and calm rally. the demonstrators had really "Duduk & Bantah", acted CIVILIZED enough (so far from what they called as 'monyet kena belacan').  one chinese man then shouted, "ambiga had announced that bersih 3.0 was successful. now everyone can peacefully disperse". so, we headed backwards, walking towards CM LRT station, before we bumped into mat sabu's crowd in front of maybank building. it was about to end, then i whiffed the tear gas. i ran but slowed down to look for F, my demo-mate. i heard she cried, "humm, pedih, pedih". i just put some salt into her mouth when she couldn't find hers and asked her to cover her nose and mouth with the wet towel, and grabbed her hand and continued to run. 


merciless!
i understand if the polices wanted to use teargas to disperse the crowd that was said to breach the dataran merdeka area (i was not anywhere near the provocation area, so i dare not to comment anything about it). but why on earth did they send the gas to jalan tun perak and others that the crowd had already on their way to disperse peacefully? shots after shots of teargas were bombarded to the people. despite all the chaotic things that occur, it was indeed a happy day - more like a carnival for the attendees. there will always be angels in disguise throughout the rally, sharing salts, water, handkerchiefs, and even consoled each other regardless of their races, ages and religions. 1 Malaysia? yes we are!


frustration
the mainstream media had never portrayed Bersih fairly. did they even interview any of the participants to hear their thoughts? none. and it seems so difficult to speak in an intelligent manner about this, because those who rule are not intelligent enough and too stroppy in dealing with this situation. plus, their premise stating that the participants support ambiga's LGBT movement is  so ridiculous. how did actually a rally that seek for an electoral reform had turned into a demonstration calling for LGBT rights?

i never wish to witness any violence nor riots, and i believe everyone wish the same. none of us happily and willingly attended the rally just to provoke the polices to let us inhale those teargas or to rain us with water canon; and thus making them look bad and let us be the heroes. can't they simply understand all that we want is a clean and fair election? not more or less. i still can't understand the fact of us being blamed and offended for asking this basic humanity rights. ~sigh~

huh!

ok. so i failed to fulfill my aim to write persistently. huhu. time flies so fast and i had a very tough time to catch up with everything. 'ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah for every kind of ni'mah bestowed upon me.

dreams!
this the project that i have to do for my anthropology subject. to be specific, it's about "senoi dream therapy". "senoi"? i bet most of you never heard about it right? hehe. senoi is basically one of the Orang Asli's tribe found in Malaysia. thus, i went to bukit kala, gombak to find out about this a few weeks back. i couldn't stop smiling, thinking how passionate dr alwi in persuading me to go here. hehe. am not going to talk much about it now, but later insyaAllah i'll post my comprehensive report about it (cewah! cita-cita tinggi. haha)

more and more projects
i spent 2 days of my midsemester break at iium montessori. collecting data for my mini project of "sharing behaviour among the children". alhamdulillah, done in collecting the data, but yet to finish the written report (ooopps! not even start a single paragraph yet. haha). another 2 articles to be reviewed, one mini project for stress management subject, and the list goes on. seems like i shouldn't waste any more time, but i ended up watching 'running man' if i  got stuck in the middle. *teruk teruk*

midsemester break
the holiday went well. i went to terengganu for my cousin's wed. entertained by yusuf n yasir throughout the journey (yusuf keeps on using the word 'encik' as i taught him during our drama play. he would go like saying "apa kabar, encik", "nak minum apa, encik". haha. fine! ciyam's fault. hehe. at least he learns how to address people nicely (skema yang lebih kot. ^_^). had gossips with the makciks (felt like i really have aged, though i'm the youngest among them). back from terengganu, i caught a flu, a perfect time as i was just about to begin running my projects the next day. huhu. in short, a well-spent holiday, alhamdulillah.

p/s: please pray for me, peeps! hope that everything will run smoothly and i'm able to bring out the best in me for everything, bi iznillah. till then, have a blessed life everyone!

i'm back

it has been a while. i'm now in my 3rd semester and have to struggle for my thesis in the next one. LOTs of major things happened in the past few months. and recently i fell over and sprained my ankle. yes, blame me for my clumsiness. hehe. feeling guilty to trouble others a lot, 'ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah for this test given by Allah.

lectures!

forgive me if i'm getting obsessed with my fav lecturers. got another class with dr burhan this semester and he still remember me. yeay! and get to know dr syed alwi in stress management class. the course really suits it's title. my eyes were filled with tears due to the joy and contentment i felt during the first lecture (as if my 'imaginary' depressive illness starts to subside). lol. i took another independent study with him for my anthropology subject (influenced by the movie, Nanny Diaries!. haha). hopefully Allah will ease and bless my knowledge-seeking journey throughout this semester. ameen.

kiddos!

some updates about my three lil musketeers (yusuf, yasir n umar). yusuf enrolled into little caliph kindergarten this year and now he can recognized phonics characters n memorize solah's recitation (though he usually perform facing the other way around from the real qiblah. hehe). yasir, sometimes throw his tantrum but yet his 'cheeky' face is always charming. whilst, umar is still struggling in his walking lesson and tries to catch up to his other cousins. go, umar, go! ^_^

really need to organize my life accordingly. have yet to finish my proposal for child psychology subject. sometimes this perfectionism attitude almost kills me. till then. have a productive life, everybody!

p/s: aiming to write persistently. will share something that keeps on bordering my mind lately with all of you, soon. ^_^

eidul mubarak!

Eidul mubarak to all!

i read back the old post that i have on this event (note: Labbaikallahumma labbaik). yes, it was about the supplications that we should prioritize in our lives. somehow, it really struck my emotions. sometimes i just got too carried away with my worldly life that i forget my ultimate aim should be to get the blessings of Allah.

eidul adha is supposed to remind us all to grasp the true meaning of it - which is to SACRIFICE. and one will never reach this level of sacrifice, until he/she knows how and what to GIVE.

"when you begin to give others the things you want for yourself, you have really understood the power of giving" (Jamal & McKinnon, 2008).

try this
there was a time that i was so distressed, felt like everything is too much to be swallowed. tension was running up high. apart from ventilating my emotions to nony n bah, i tried to do something different on that day.

so i began my day, walking out from my room with basmalah. then, i forced myself to smile. it seemed pretty tough, though they say it only takes a few muscles to work if you smile. then, i started to give salam and smile to whomever i met (regardless whether i know them or not) along the way until i reached to my class.

guess what? when i arrived there, i felt like tonnes of my problems have been lifted away from my chest. a complete serene feeling that i thought i will not experience on that day. as people answered to my salam and smiled back at me (note: not all did smile back at me. some even have that weird kind of face, as if saying "do i know u?"); i looked at their face, and imagined as if they were saying all sorts of motivating words to me, "don't be sad", "cheer up, girl!", etc. it feels like the whole world is comforting me, and say, "hey, life is not that bad. be positive!". all these, only by seeing them smile back to me and answered my salam. hihihi.

so that's how i learn the power of giving salam and smile. what i wanted from others on that day was simply some motivations and encouragement. so, instead of waiting and asking others for it, i received what i wanted in a peculiar but very effective way; which is to GIVE.

Everyone can give something. Even if you can't give money or material objects, you can give time, knowledge, wisdom, skills, leadership, attention, touch, advice, hope, laughter or love. just name it. let us all sacrifice with every means that we are capable of; only in the name of Allah. may Allah bless us all. ^_^

p/s: i met my fellow undergrad coursemates yesterday - didy, rif n fos. i actually had a zest of meeting these 3 wonderful ladies compared to discussing the issues in the meeting. i was really touched; as by Allah's will; we managed to perform zuhur prayer and even takbeer together with the imam. Alhamdulillah, what a bliss!