eidul mubarak!

Eidul mubarak to all!

i read back the old post that i have on this event (note: Labbaikallahumma labbaik). yes, it was about the supplications that we should prioritize in our lives. somehow, it really struck my emotions. sometimes i just got too carried away with my worldly life that i forget my ultimate aim should be to get the blessings of Allah.

eidul adha is supposed to remind us all to grasp the true meaning of it - which is to SACRIFICE. and one will never reach this level of sacrifice, until he/she knows how and what to GIVE.

"when you begin to give others the things you want for yourself, you have really understood the power of giving" (Jamal & McKinnon, 2008).

try this
there was a time that i was so distressed, felt like everything is too much to be swallowed. tension was running up high. apart from ventilating my emotions to nony n bah, i tried to do something different on that day.

so i began my day, walking out from my room with basmalah. then, i forced myself to smile. it seemed pretty tough, though they say it only takes a few muscles to work if you smile. then, i started to give salam and smile to whomever i met (regardless whether i know them or not) along the way until i reached to my class.

guess what? when i arrived there, i felt like tonnes of my problems have been lifted away from my chest. a complete serene feeling that i thought i will not experience on that day. as people answered to my salam and smiled back at me (note: not all did smile back at me. some even have that weird kind of face, as if saying "do i know u?"); i looked at their face, and imagined as if they were saying all sorts of motivating words to me, "don't be sad", "cheer up, girl!", etc. it feels like the whole world is comforting me, and say, "hey, life is not that bad. be positive!". all these, only by seeing them smile back to me and answered my salam. hihihi.

so that's how i learn the power of giving salam and smile. what i wanted from others on that day was simply some motivations and encouragement. so, instead of waiting and asking others for it, i received what i wanted in a peculiar but very effective way; which is to GIVE.

Everyone can give something. Even if you can't give money or material objects, you can give time, knowledge, wisdom, skills, leadership, attention, touch, advice, hope, laughter or love. just name it. let us all sacrifice with every means that we are capable of; only in the name of Allah. may Allah bless us all. ^_^

p/s: i met my fellow undergrad coursemates yesterday - didy, rif n fos. i actually had a zest of meeting these 3 wonderful ladies compared to discussing the issues in the meeting. i was really touched; as by Allah's will; we managed to perform zuhur prayer and even takbeer together with the imam. Alhamdulillah, what a bliss!

living in history...

history derives from many perspectives. it is actually the accumulation of many 'his-story's. Bersih 2.0 was indeed a historical event. some may don't even bother about it. some may stay at home, cursing the protesters for all the chaotic situations that occurred (regardless who created them in the first place). some may be there, marching along with the participants, witnessing what actually happened and treasuring all the values they learnt throughout the rally.

my story

so, i was there. arrived early enough but i already smelt something familiar -tear gas!- my friends and i hustled towards an alley, stopped by a stall operated by a few indonesian women; whom gave a very warm welcome while repeating their slogans, "malaysia boleh! malaysia aman!"

it was already around 10 am, and i didn't want to waste any more energy walking around as to avoid the cops. some of my friends had already been arrested! my friend, A; and i decided to stay at petaling street. a middle-aged, chinese man then approached us. "bagus.. bagus... anak-anak muda sudah berani!". i just smiled back at him. around 12 noon, out of a sudden, a crowd is formed around us; and i saw another crowd was moving towards us at the opposite of the road. owh, it had begun! we marched peacefully towards jalan hang tuah back and forth, until the crowd finally marched towards a larger crowd in front of Maybank building.

the climax

dr hatta was giving the speech. i had fun watching others got ecstatic. not long after that, i heard the siren, the police fired up and the tear gas canister was so close to us and i was suddenly surrounded by heavy smoke. i ran but almost trapped when a guy in front of me suddenly stopped at the narrow path. "gerak, gerak," i yelled while swallowing the fumes. i can barely see, but luckily i spotted A. with shivering hands and still gasping for air, i took out some salt and put them in my mouth. A, unable to find hers, she swiped some that left at my lips and hands and put them in her mouth. the fumes was getting worst. A then grabbed my hand and we climbed up the stairs nearby. almost suffocated, i exhaled deeply. i thought i almost died, that i recited syahadah repeatedly. saliva coming out from my mouth, mucous running out from my nose. this is the worst tear-gassed experience i had so far.

we found a running tap water at the hill slope, where the guys had their ablution to perform zuhur prayer. i wet my handkerchief and took ablution as well. not long after that, another siren. tear gas again! A and i ran, helped by a few gentlemen to pass through the narrow fence. our running speed was not that excellent as i felt my throat and stomach were still burning with the acid gas. we decided to find shelter at the nearest building and i saw some people rushed into a motel (A first thought it was a temple!). like a drama queen, i waved and begged, "please, please!". "hurry up!", an indian guy waited for us to come in before he locked up the gate. i was quite surprised to see that most of the 'refugees' there were males. they offered us to sit but kindly i insisted to perform my solah first.

the rain was pouring heavily. another shot of tear gas was being launched. the indian worker led us to the back of the building, offering salt and asked us to wash our face with the running tap water. as the police passed through the building, he even asked us to hide. we thanked him so much and bought two bottles of mineral water before leaving. he showed us thumbs up sign and waved us goodbye.

truly 1 Malaysia

the rally was so moving and i believe each participants can feel how people really looked after one another throughout the rally, despite of different religions, races and ages. i witnessed: a guy tore up his towel into two to share another half with a stranger; strangers offering salt to me and A to counteract the tear gas effect; strangers helping us at the motel; someone always stepped up ensuring the panicked run doesn't turn into a stampede. i feel very safe in the crowd. trust me, you can hear these kind of kindness act from every single marchers. congrats najib! your 1 Malaysia concept was instead practiced by your own opponents. at least you preach on something which is good.

inhumane!

i cried when i watched the video of those who were being tear gassed and trapped in kl central. i cried when i watched in tv najib insulting anwar lying in pain after being tear gassed (i would probably feel the same if najib was in his place). i cried when i watched the video of the man having a seizure attack while his hands were still tied. those who attended the rally knows exactly how horrible it feels watching all these. i cannot even bear to hear nasty and mean things said about the man who died after being tear gassed. this is very inhumane! what kind of violence did the protesters created? is it logical for the cops to heartlessly showered water canon and tear gas to the people that had yellow flowers, bananas, yellow t-shirts as their weapons? it's not a rocket science to understand something that we call as humanity.

these protesters acted civilized enough not to destroy property or hurt one another. several got hurts and one died but the participants did not cause them. even the restaurants and shops that dared enough to operate actually benefits a lot on that day. i feel sorry for the shattered newly wed couples when guests did not turn up, but who in the first place did all the road blocks and scaring all not to go out on that day?

different worldview

if the government in the first place understands the psychology of people having different worldviews, i don't think Bersih 2.0 will turn out this way. a simple thing like - giving RESPECT to others' views which is different from yours; is the key to worldwide peace. others may have different view on this, but that is his story. i'm proud that i'm a part of the history. 10 or 20 years to come, people may write this event in our history textbook. and by that time, i can proudly relating MY-story to my grandchildren or other youths. at least i have my own stand and my own story. do you?

enjoy this poem by A. Samad Said

ikhlas and istikhlas.

Sincerity stands for purifying one's deeds from blemishes of showiness in order to make them purely intended to Allah s.w.t. A sincere person strives to purify his soul from vices and exerts himself to perform (good) deeds and maintain sincerity of intention so that Allah will accept his deeds.

The word ikhlas roots from an arabic word of kholasa (finish). one sister once told me, that is why when a person is doing something sincerely (ikhlas), he will not expecting any reward from it. the deeds will end there, not hoping for anything else. kholas. finish.

a struggle to learn the subject of ikhlas (sincerity)

we are not born with sincerity. it is something that we have to strive to achieve it. these past few weeks were really challenging. i was struggling with the tough subject that i took in this short semester. presentations that took days of preparation. effortless person to deal with (hehe.this one was the hardest). etc. so i ended up babbling and begging to myself: "please, ikhlas. please, ikhlas". hoping that all my deeds and efforts are truly intended to get the blessings from Allah s.w.t.

back then, when i was in kisas, the word 'istikhlas' was very popular and widely used (though not sure whether it really exist!). we usually said, if you are not ikhlas in doing something, at least you must try to be one (according to kisasians' dictionary; istikhlas = the effort to achieve ikhlas). when we were being forced to do something good that we didn't really akin to, we would be saying to ourselves: istikhlas, istikhlas. (wah, rindu zaman sekolah!)

inner peace!

i am so grateful that at least throughout this short semester Allah has taught me on how to be sincere. Alhamdulillah. the most important thing is to forgive others and that is where you can find the inner peace.

"anything is possible when you have inner peace", shifu in Kungfu Panda 2.

i really hope that with this inner peace i can face my examination next week serenely. May Allah place this light of ikhlas in our hearts and may He guide and keep us on the straight path. May He forgive our shortcomings and envelope us with His barakah and mercy. ameen.

kholastu.

selesai sudah perjuangan satu semester. bakal merindui murabbi2 yang berjaya menjentik dan mengingatkan hati nurani ini untuk sentiasa tenang dan terus mencari 'nilai' di sebalik ilmu yang dicapai. terima kasih ya Allah atas nikmat ini. the most interesting part i learnt here is that: i can learn anything. ilmu Allah itu sangat luas.

ole-ole sempena cuti intersemester

able to grab these souvenirs for my 2 weeks holidays. hehe. walaupun poket seringkali kontang, rasanya tak perlu susah-susah hati sebab takde duit nak beli buku. bergunung buku-buku kat library tu meronta-ronta untuk dibaca. happy reading, everyone!

semoga kecintaan pada ilmu semakin berapi-api. dan semoga walaupun dengan hanya sedikit ilmu yang diperoleh, bisa mendekatkan diri ini pada Pencipta Sekalian Alam. Ameen.

the outcome of stress

tanpa menghiraukan kerja yang menimbun, serta projek mini yang masih tergendala, inilah hasilnya. supper sempena menonton siri akhir 'Hani'. hehe

first batch: sweet buns

second batch: cheezy sweet buns

enough, khamisah. berazam meletakkan usaha yang lebih gigih terhadap pelajaran sebelum bergelut dengan final exam yang semakin hampir. may Allah bless us all.

the artistic part in me

we were discussing on the term 'modernization', when suddenly the topic of ART just popped out. Dr Yedullah asked "what is art?". i was having fun watching others made their attempts to answer his question, and at the same time recalling the same question asked by julia roberts to her students in Mona Lisa Smile (sempat lagi. haha); then dr yedullah threw a question to me:

dr Y: "when was the last time you have ever make a poem?"

me: "during my secondary school" (i suddenly realized that i lied. the last time was during my fourth year studies in Kuantan. mona n k marlina should know this very well. haha)

science vs art

i remembered during my childhood years, mak selalu beli children science encyclopedia. masa sekolah rendah, majalah tunas sains, rakan sains memang akan dilanggan. my siblings n i were having fun reading all that kind of materials. segala unsur-unsur science n math akan diserap dengan sesungguhnya oleh mak.

when i was in standard 6, mak start hantar pergi tusyen kelas lukisan. yes, lukisan! di saat2 orang lain berpusu-pusu hantar anak-anak mereka ke tusyen sains, matematik, english, etc, aku belajar melukis dengan cikgu salmah (kawan sekolah mak). mungkin sebab mak pun suka all those artistic things. this is where it all begins. terkial-kial masa mula-mula pegang berus. nak melukis kena banyak bersabar. lagi-lagi kalau tangan keras macam batu. (p/s: kalau ada anak-anak yang jenis tak sabar, cuba masukkan dalam kelas lukisan. a very good therapy for them). then masa form 3, start masuk pertandingan dan bergiat aktif buat mural kat sekolah, but it all ended masa masuk kisas. dah jarang2 sangat pegang berus. konon-konon busy sangat belajar sains. otak kananku dizalimi. huhu

masa kat uia kuantan, di saat bersungguhan buat 'last minute' revision, bila dah penat sangat, tiba-tiba aku akan panggil k marlina n mona keluar bilik untuk dengar aku baca sajak. hahahaha. this is funny! not to forget, waktu exam la jugak keluarnya idea untuk buat design2 baru for our cuppies. mona kata, "awak guna otak kiri banyak sangat, otak kanan awak meronta-ronta la tu untuk digunakan". mona sangat bijak to come out with this theory.

arts and wealth

dr yedullah kata: richness of a culture depends on the richness of the meanings of your life. and art gives meanings into your life. from a very relative meaning of richness, i could simply say that oils buried under the soil will not make you rich. high tech instruments will not make you rich. your nation's richness simply lies upon a poem created by a naive girl expressing her thoughts while developing her wisdoms.

integration of science and art

i wish i could be excel in both science and art. boleh jadi macam ibnu sina, ibnu khaldun, al farabi, n ramai lagi tokoh-tokoh islam zaman dulu kala. who says art must have to be in specialty? why science has to be so confined that only the science people can talk about it? n why must art people refuse to understand the world using all those scientific laws, which eventually leads us to glorify the greatness of Allah's creation, thus make us pious? n why kpt n jpa refuse to sponsor these art programs compared to other 'glamorous' fields like medicine, laws, economics, etc? (taktau nak classify law n econs as art or tak. hehe)

we have both science and art senses in us. it's sunnatullah. semoga berjaya menjadi hamba Allah terbaik dengan memaksimakan segala potensi.

i'm an artistic scientist! ^_^

Book series

1. What i believe by Tariq Ramadhan

i grabbed this book during my 'jalan-jalan' day with my friend, hafizah last month at Kino, KLCC. the price can afford 10 lunch meals for me. (kedekut tahap gajah sebab all expenses fully sponsored by family.hehe.) however, the excitement i felt whenever every page was flipped worth every penny spent.

i was having quite a hard time to finish reading this book, though it's not that thick. sometimes i really need to read the text repeatedly to clearly understand the author's idea. Nevertheless, very well worth the effort. i became more excited when i reflect some of his idea and relate it with my philosophy lecturer's kind of thought in the class.

the author, Tariq Ramadhan, is the grandson of imam Hasan al-Banna (Ikhwanul Muslimin). as the author mentioned himself, this book is a perfect introduction for those who are just beginning to understand his kind of thoughts, rather than 'googling' about him in the internet.

happy reading everyone!

p/s: going to have fun reading John steinbeck's piece of work. kena gelak ngan busyra sebab amik master tapi baca buku kanak-kanak. haha

hidup yang sementara...

sudah lama tidak mengunjungi kawasan perkuburan. kalau di kuantan dulu, dalam perjalanan ke jhc, pasti akan melalui satu kawasan perkuburan islam. sambil-sambil layan blues dan mata menjeling ke luar bas, hati akan mula terdetik untuk mengucapkan salam dan menyedekahkan al-fatihah serta sedikit doa agar dipermudahkan urusan para muslimun itu di alam kubur.

bersabarlah duhai sahabat...

semalam dikejutkan dengan kembalinya ibunda nur hidayah hussin ke rahmatullah. sedikit terkejut kerana ziarahku yang terakhir menampakkan perkembangan kesihatannya yang baik setelah menjalani pembedahan. walaupun hanya sekali aku berpeluang mencurah bakti dengan melakukan 'dressing' pada luka bedahnya, pemergian makcik Jamaliah memberi kesan yang agak mendalam. semoga Allah menempatkan allahyarham di kalangan orang2 yang soleh.

mati itu pasti

regardless of the severe abdominal pain, aku gagahkan jugak langkah untuk ke rumah hidayah. setelah selesai solat jenazah, together with diah, n khuzairi untuk ke kawasan perkuburan. diah kata: "nanti semua orang mesti datang kat sini jugak kan?" tiba-tiba diselubungi ketakutan yang amat sangat. keseorangan menjawab segala persoalan munkar dan nakir. soalan-soalan yang tidak boleh dihafal jawapannya seperti menjawab peperiksaan2 yang biasa.

jom sama-sama persiapkan diri menuju mati. mati itu pasti. tiada siapa mampu larikan diri. tinggalkan semua harta, pangkat dan segala yang dikasihi. hanya amal kebaikan yang membantu nanti.