Dearest blog. I miss you terribly. I got too carried away with the negativity and decided not to jot down anything unless i am able to tune it to a more 'positive' tone. So, here i am. I've already submitted my full draft thesis and it is now being examined by an unknown reader. All i can do is pray. And i thought that things are going to be great after the submission. But i was wrong. It's a mess. Emotional breakdown here and there. Dilemmas and dilemmas again!
Realities of motherhood
I haven't been told about the unrelenting demands of motherhood. 24/7 responsibility that left no time for myself. I expected too much of being a perfect ummi and was hard on myself. Yeah, getting married, overwhelmed by the love for abang and sarah blew my mind; but the exhaustion and the sense that my life was somehow out of my control was quite a shock. It is no longer about me. It is a whole new world full of emotional highs and lows.
Nope. I'm not planning to do any ridiculous act by far. The worst i did so far was to beg abang for allowing me to go to my sister's house (just for the sake of having the silly sissy chats - haha. I guess this is how i can ventilate my feelings now). I miss talking to kak marlina (dunno whether she still read this blog), but seriously i keep on reminiscing the moments we had gone through together.
Find my way back
I decided to write back at this blog after finish reading this book.
It somehow urges me to find my way back to the right path. Reminds me the needs to find the 'real' me. To end all the miseries that had been bothering my mind. Highly recommended to all.
As for now, am still learning to speak my mind. Ever since i decided to start writing, my mind keeps on composing words for every event happens. Will slowly learn how to drain the words into something that sounds optimistic and may it benefit me and all of us. Biiznillah, insyaAllah.
4 weeks ago